The Betrayal Of Pain

The pain comes again.

Like a new wave. Washing over you. It feels as if you have no control over it anymore. You can see it coming, but it is as if your feet are stuck in the sand. You cannot run from it. All you can do is watch it come in an engulf you.

The pain feels overwhelming. As you look at it you feel as if you are doing everything right, you are trying everything you have been told. But it still comes. Over and over again.

Your pain has become persistent. Like a nagging partner that tugs at your no matter where you are going or what you are doing. You cant escape it. Some days are better than others, but most days you are hyper aware of its plaguing existence.

Each time it comes you feel something brewing inside. Perhaps bitterness, feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration, exhaustion. Feelings that arise and ebb and flow as the pain does. You dont want to feel angry but its hard not to at this point. It has been so long. You are worn down.

The cycle repeats. Over and over.

Your responses to it come and go habitually now. You arent trying to feel anger or bertrayal, it just comes now.

I have been there. For such a long time.

The thing is. The cycle can be broken.

When we feel pain for extended periods it is natural for us to feel something in response to the pain. Often we tense up as we see it coming, we feel the frustration or anger or betrayal that our pain is unceasing. When we can recognize those responses it allows us to begin to change them.

As your pain comes you try and recognize its coming and prepare. You relax instead of tensing, as your let your muscles relax the pain might be a little less than it was when you tensed up. You accept it is coming and change a few plans or make space for yourself to feel the pain and then progress. You start the work on finding out why you feel betrayed or angry.

There is work to be put in. It doesnt have to be alone. But it is work nonetheless.

And once you have put in that work, you will find the cycle changes. It doesnt always bring about the intensity. It doesnt feel so uncontrolled. It doesnt dominate your life and your being.  It comes and it goes, but it doesnt define you.

Pain can feel exhausting because it is. However, you dont have to go it alone. Reach out. Work with someone who has been there. Ask for resources.

I am here if you have any questions or dont know where to start.

What I Wish I Knew When I "Wasn't Okay"

So much has changed as I have aged. I didnt know about things like World Mental Health Day. I never heard people say "It's okay to not be okay". No one I knew ever talked about getting mental health help. I didnt know anyone that had been to a counsellor, psychologist or social worker. My doctors had never talked to me about the impact of chronic pain and mental health.

So there I was.

Away at college. Isolated. In pain 3/4 weeks of the month on average. I was exhausted. I felt alone. And it took a toll. But no one ever told me that the pain would impact every aspect of my life. They just told me to try a different medication. Or that they didnt understand.No one told me that the pain would invade every aspect of my life. That I wouldnt be able to sleep. That some days I would be too sick to eat. That sometimes I wouldnt be able to do anything more that the bare minimum. That all of this would leave me feeling this emptiness that I wouldnt understand. That the physical pain would cut to the core of my being and that without the right care I would become depressed. No one ever told me any of that.

 Invisible illnesses have their own struggles too. When you look okay, people expect you to be okay. I wasnt okay. I was suffering in silence for a long time. And I dont want that for anyone else.

I wish that over a decade ago someone told me that our physical health can impact our mental health.

That it truly is okay to not be okay.

That you dont have to suffer alone.

That no matter how alone you feel, there is someone that understands.

That getting help is brave no something to be ashamed of.

That there are so many people out there that truly want to help.

That there are a myriad of resources for mental health help.

I wish that back then I knew what I know now. That I could go back to those long days of darkness and suffering and offer a hand. A shoulder to cry on. A non judgemental listening friend. To provide resources that could help. To have someone be open about their struggles so I didnt feel so alone. To know from any one that it was okay to need help. And that getting help was brave.

I keep a list of local resources in my office drawer. I dont want anyone to ever feel that alone.
I check in with everyone that passes into my office to make sure they have resources they can access if needed. I work to create openness so that everyone knows that its okay to ask for help.

If you want help and dont know where to start, let me know. I will help you connect with someone.

You do not have to suffer alone.

I have been there. I am more okay now than I ever imagined and I still reach out. Because I know its okay to not be okay. And I know that helping myself allows me to help others.

Reach out.

Those Winter Falls

Winter is coming.

As much as my heart is not ready to admit that, this second big snowfall has me starting to face reality.

I love Fall. So much. The cooler weather, the leaves, the crisp feeling. The excuse for sweater weather. Fall is by far my favourite season. It also feels shockingly short here. Especially when we have had 2 big snowfalls already during my fall season. Not feeling it.

However, these early snowfalls are a good reminder to get ready for the upcoming winter.

And that means winter safety! 

We think so much as staying warm. Dry. Avoiding shovelling and scraping windows. But do we stop and think about how to make sure we are safe with this change in weather? 

I didnt used to. I had plenty of big wipeouts on the ice growing up. Usually rushing to school and sliding down the driveway. Or faceplanting on a side walk. Then I grew up a bit and seemed to forget all about them. Until I fell. Hard. Until I was 7 months pregnant, slipped on black ice, and broke my fall with my arm to protect the baby. Babe was fine but my shoulder was not so much. So I have been there. I have been the one that has injured myself falling and then went to physio for some rehab.

So as a quick little reminder, winter is a time for falls. 

We often are just trying to get things done, going on auto pilot, we are busy and distracted. We forget it is slick. 

A few things to just remember to try and help you avoid falls:

1. Slow down
2. Check your footwear- or add yak tracks! Dont just think those cute shoes will have enough traction.
3. If you want to wear the cute shoes, put them in your bag and wear them inside. 
4. Hold onto something when available, like a rail
5. Keep your hands free so if you do slip you can grab onto something or try and brace your fall
6. Walk where it’s clear so you can see if it’s slick or not
7. Shovel in small chunks ( ill write more about shovelling late, its a big topic)

Be safe! And if you have an unfortunate slip I would be happy to help you get feeling better.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation can be a great way to release tension, stress, decrease pain, calm the nervous system and aid with sleep. This exercise can bring awareness to the parts of your body that are not in pain, which can in turn help remind your brain what it feels like to not be in pain as well as how to relax, even if you are in pain.

Drawing our focus away from our pain can help us feel less pain.


For progressive muscle relaxation we systematically contract, or tighten, muscle groups, hold it for 5 seconds and then relax. You can skip any step if it is too painful or uncomfortable. For each area bring your focus to the specific body part as you contract or relax, visualizing the muscle contracting and then releasing the tension. By working our way through the body you can achieve greater relaxation as well as decrease the sensation of pain.

So lay or sit down comfortably and close your eyes.

Allow your attention to focus only on your body. If you begin to notice your mind wandering, bring it back to the muscle you are working on.

Take a deep breath through your abdomen, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly. Again, as you breathe notice your stomach rising and your lungs filling with air. As you exhale, imagine the tension in your body being released and flowing out of your body. Repeat, inhale…..and exhale. Feel your body already relaxing. As you go through each step, remember to keep breathing. Let your breathe be your guide.

Starting at your forehead. Tighten the muscles in your forehead by raising your eyebrows as high as you can. Hold for about five seconds.  Release, feeling that tension fall away. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Now smile widely, feeling your mouth and cheeks tense. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release, appreciating the softness in your face. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Next, tighten your eye muscles by squinting your eyelids tightly shut. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Gently pull your head back as if to look at the ceiling. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release, feeling the tension melting away. Pause for about 10 seconds. Now feel the weight of your relaxed head and neck sink. Breath in…and out. In…and out. Let go of all the stress In…and out.

 Now, tightly, but without straining, clench your fists and hold this position until I say stop. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Now, flex your biceps. Feel that buildup of tension. You may even visualize that muscle tightening. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release, enjoying that feeling of limpness. Breath in...and out.

Now tighten your triceps by extending your arms out and locking your elbows. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Now lift your shoulders up as if they could touch your ears. Hold for about 5 seconds, and quickly release, feeling their heaviness. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Tense your upper back by pulling your shoulders back trying to make your shoulder blades touch. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Tighten your chest by taking a deep breath in, hold for about 5 seconds, and exhale, blowing out all the tension.

Now tighten the muscles in your stomach by pulling in. Hold for about 5 seconds, and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Gently arch your lower back. Hold for 5 seconds, relax. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Tighten your buttocks. Hold for about 5 seconds…, release, imagine your hips opening as they relax. Pause for about 10 seconds.

 Tighten your thighs by pressing your knees together, squeezing. Hold for 5 seconds…and release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Now flex your feet, pulling your toes towards you and feeling the tension in your calves. Hold for 5 seconds, and relax, feel the weight of your legs sinking down. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Curl your toes under, tensing your feet. Hold for 5 seconds, release. Pause for about 10 seconds.

Now imagine a wave of relaxation slowly spreading through your body beginning at your head and going all the way down to your feet. Feel the weight of your relaxed body, allowing yourself to let go a bit more.

Take a few more deep breaths.

Start bringing your awareness back to your body. Check in with how you are feeling. If any areas feel more relaxed. Taking your time as you open your eyes and return to your day.

All or Something

We tend to think of things in black or white. All or nothing. You did it or you didn't.

When in reality we live mostly in greys. Varying shades of grey, but grey nonetheless.

Areas where we accomplish a lot, even if it isnt everything. Where we have shifts in priorities and we have to adapt. Adaptation means change and sometimes that means putting things aside temporarily as we adjust to this change.

When it comes to self care and treatment it is okay to allow yourself some greys. It does not have to be all or nothing. Missing one day of home exercises isn't the end of the world. Not completing all of your sets or reps doesn't mean it isn't worth continuing. Missing a workout or more doesn't mean you cannot workout again. When we can sit back and appreciate what we have done we can accept more of the greys. Every day wont be perfect and we know that tomorrow is a new day.

It is far too easy to discount our progress when we " haven't done enough". However, who it to say what is enough? Every step forward is still a step forward. Reaching out can often be the first step, and a very large step at that.

It is common to have setbacks and we know that healing isn't linear. We have ups and we have downs. We have days and weeks we may excel and times when things slide back. When we can live in a world of fewer absolutes and acknowledge when we are doing what we can and when we are doing our best it can take some of the pressure off. Sometimes, that shift in thinking alone can be felt physically as we take a load off of ourselves.

So the next time you miss a workout, or your home exercise program or dont do something you think you "should" do, remember that tomorrow is a new day. Something is better than nothing.

So do something. Take a little step. And when you wake up tomorrow set yourself up for success by doing one more something.

When The Room Starts Spinning: Vertigo

What is Vertigo?

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (or BPPV) is the most common cause of vertigo, which is a false sensation of spinning.

Benign – it is not life-threatening

Paroxysmal – it comes in sudden, brief spells

Positional – it gets triggered by certain head positions or movements

Vertigo – a false sense of rotational movement

Most often, people feel like things around spinning around them while they are staying still.  This spinning sensation is triggered with head movements. This false sense of movement can be quite scary, especially if you do not know what is happening. Typically, this movement is worse when turning to one side over the other.

What is actually happening?

BPPV is a mechanical problem in the inner ear. It occurs when some of the crystals (otoconia) that are normally embedded in part of the inner ear become dislodged and move into one or more of the 3 fluid-filled semicircular canals, where they are not supposed to be. These crystals then interfere with the normal movement of fluid through the semicircular canals which sense head motion. This causes the inner ear to send false signals to the brain which causes the sensation of spinning.

Vertigo symptoms typically last less than one minute, however, they can last longer. Between the vertigo spells, some people feel symptom free while others feel a sense of imbalance or feeling off.

Assessment and Treatment

Vertigo can be assessed and treated by a Phyiotherapist trained in Vestibular therapy. We conduct a thorough vestibular assessment to determine if it is indeed vertigo or another vestibular dysfunction. Vertigo treatment requires a series of head and body movements done on a treatment table. Most people that experience Vertigo require 2-3 treatments.

It is also important to note that Vertigo can come on spontaneously or it can be caused from a virus or head injury. Vertigo can also re-occur. However, it can be treated and with vestibular therapy you will be provided with information and resources so you will be prepared if it does reoccur down the road.

If you are experiencing vertigo symptoms, such as feeling the room spinning with head movements, or other dizziness. Book in for a full vestibular assessment so we can get you back on track.